Monday, January 4, 2016

What Goes Through the Mind of a Bad Blogger



A conversation I had with myself (and in my head… I know better than to walk around mumbling to myself)

Ok it has been forever since you blogged… do you want to blog… do you like it?

Yes I love writing, it’s relaxing and enjoyable and I never feel right without the pen and the notebook at hand.

THEN WHY AREN’T YOU BLOGGING?!?!

I dunno… Blogging is like work… I just want to write. Mind you blogging is writing, I just pick one area to write and then make a fool of myself online with it… so that’s a good question… why am I not blogging… Well there is the time issue, I always seem to be so dang busy, I mean I still have three loads of laundry to fold and I am sick of having to dig for socks every morning. And the poor dog needs a haircut; I mean seriously she looks like a sheep somebody forgot to shear in a decade. And there is that list of stuff for the youth group.. SHIT! That starts up this week… I am sooo fucking behind! I should have done something over the holidays but I was so glad to have a chance to unwind and read that I didn’t even think about it…

BLOGGING!

Right, that was what I was thinking about. Ok so there was the time thing, plus it was the holidays, so I spent time with family. My brother is looking really good, I’m glad for that, he’s been through some stress lately so to see him in such high spirits was awesome. And OMGs my sister is the cutest thing ever, she was so excited to have us all there, and our present was a smash hit with her!! And my husband totally spoiled me this year, I hope I always remember to spoil him too. Is it sad I want to add that as a weekly reminder in my phone cuz I don’t feel like I am always attentive enough…

BLOGGING!

Damn it… ok so time and holidays. I could blog about the holidays, I bet everyone is sick to death about hearing how busy I am, fuck… I didn’t get into blogging to bitch. Why did I start blogging… oh right! I like to write and make a fool of myself, it was a match made in cyber heaven! That and I love reading about the lives of other people… how they mingle faith and practicality, what interesting things they have learned in life, cool experiences they may have had. Plus a lot of bloggers out there are awesome! They have learned soo many things and have great insights into life in general… even when they aren’t pagan I have learned a lot from other bloggers… and they make me think. I mean I’ve learned a lot about how other people approach life and faith from reading blogs by Athiests, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists and even Christians (from Progressives to Catholics!). It’s like a faith smorgasbord!!

BLOGGING!

DAMN IT!!! Right… ok so busy, holidays and why I blog… Oh that was a good idea to write on… wait… what was I thinking a moment ago… COME BACK HERE!!! Damn. It’s gone. Let’s hope it comes back. Hey maybe I should pay attention to this meeting again… nope still not related to me. I love attending an hour long meeting when my part of it lasts 5 minutes at the beginning. Could be worse, I could be doing year end stuff still! That was not fun. I think I hate my job… no … actually that isn’t true. I hate being bored, and parts of my job are boring. But that’s not the same thing. I have a great boss and awesome coworkers, and my job is important and helps people. That makes me feel better. It’s not my dream job but I think my dream job would not pay as well as this one, plus I can keep doing my dream job (actually it’s more like jobs since there is just a piece here and there, none of which make a cohesive whole) as my hobbies. I’m not defined by my work, I define me. What is my dream job anyway… well there is the card readings, love those. I should do more general Facebook readings for fun, playing musical instruments like drums and bagpipes, gardening and of course photography. Oh that’s right, I was going to do up a second blog for all my pictures as a side project of this whole Redneck Pagan thing…

Fuck…

Blogging… right….

I’m getting a coffee.

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Life Ran Me Over!

Wow.... I'm actually writing again... cool. This has been a while (like more than a few months), good thing I don't rely on blogging for a living or I'd be broke by now. So I have decided that I really wish life had a pause button because as I said before... life just ran me over!

It started with the death of my friend, that I wrote about earlier. That one completely surprised me and took me a while to come to terms with (although I know it was 100 times harder on her family). I spent a lot of time contemplating life, the rituals we use to celebrate life and to mourn death, and just how little time we really have.

Then there is my music lessons, please everyone take a moment to feel sympathy for my poor neighbors because I am in the process of learning how to play the bagpipes... yep that's right, I am now the annoying neighbor that is playing bagpipes in the middle of the flippen day! I'm very lucky to have found an instructor who is a world class player. He was born and raised with a pipping family in Scotland and somehow made his way to Canada! He is also going to be instructing the kids that are in my youth group, so we are very excited to have him on board! I'm finding the instrument to be a very challenging one to learn ( I've played drums for more than half my life and picked them up rather easily compared to this!). I'm trying to practice every night for 15 to 30 minutes but don't always have the time.

Then of course my youth group stood up again in the fall and we had the usual mad dash to get the new kids registered, update the information of the current kids, work on some staff training, train the senior kids to step into their new roles... it's exhausting but totally worth it! The first three months are always so busy that I find myself hitting November going "where the hey did the last few months go!". This year was no different.

I have decided I want to try my hand at running a side project to this blog to showcase the pictures I love to take so so I am planning that. My 3 year old laptop is finally cratering. It's not charging properly and now the system is starting to be all wonky so I bit the bullet and bought a new one that should be here any day now. In the meantime the old one and I are still somewhat functional, even though I have to lean it a certain way to get it to charge and it likes to randomly freeze or shut down on me. Thankfully we are able to afford a new one!

On top of this I had a very huge change happen in my life. I don't discuss it much here on this blog since I like to remain under my pseudonym while writing but it was a huge commitment that I recently made that involved a mountain of paperwork and lots of training. This past month I spent two weeks away from home on my training and had no time for anything else!

And finally my heart was a little broken this last month as one of my little dogs, the 15 year old boy, passed away after a brief illness while I was away from home. My husband did an amazing job of taking care of him, and the vet did everything she could but it was his time. In the future I will probably write a little more on him but when I am not as sad. All I will say for now is that he was a very good dog and I love and miss him.

So yeah... PAUSE BUTTON PLEASE!

Friday, September 11, 2015

A Witch in Church Part Three - Conclusions



So in my last two posts I talked about the Church building that we visited for Danielle's funeral and the type of people we met. This post is going to be a bit of rambling of some of the conclusions I came to in the course of this visit.

First of all I loved the building, I loved the way they had made sure it was welcoming to everybody who comes in. The boards with the names and photographs of the members would make any newcomer feel more at ease, he celebrating of new members helps to affirm their connection tot he community. The newsletter with tidbits of personal stories from the pastor and the favorite recipes enhanced the feeling of community and  made you feel like part of an extended family. I loved the sacredness of the space. At most Pagan events we seem to set up in meeting rooms and community halls, which are awesome, but lack the energy of a place where people come together regularly to honor that which is greater than themselves. I would love for there to be more spaces like that, perhaps ones that cater to multiple faiths, to exist.

Secondly I am glad I had the chance to listen to the Pastor’s sermon. I don't know about the rest of you but sometimes I find forging my own spiritual path hard. There are no certainties, your beliefs never exactly match up with other people's beliefs and while there are teachers and guides along the way, there is no roadmap. Listening to the sermon I got the chance to experience the beliefs of an established roadmap, and it totally did not agree with my inner compass. 

Don't get me wrong, he was a good pastor and spoke well of the Gospels and the teachings of the church. For people who believe the same as he does I could see the comfort in the message. For somebody like me, who has been walking her own path for some time I found it left me cold inside and did not match what was in my heart. It reminded me of the groups I have been involved in, both non Pagan and Pagan that did not match what I felt and why it was in my best interest to follow my own path.

However it also made me realize how hard walking one’s own path can be. At the passing of friends and family it has been challenging at times. Those who belong to a church have a built in community of support, with a laid out script to follow. For example, a while ago I found out about the Jewish tradition of sitting Shiva after somebody passes. What a wonderful affirmation of faith while brining a community together to support the family. And in times of great sorrow and heartbreak these rituals provide a comforting anchor in a time when your whole world has fallen away from you.

When my Mother passed away I was a new Pagan, with no established tradition or group whom gathered around me. I had an amazing group of friends and family who were there whenever I needed them to be, but no faith community. The people who spoke of my mother’s passing came from an assortment of faiths and each spoke from their own belief system. I often felt alone while surrounded by people who spoke of either her soul going to Heaven, those who didn’t use the word Heaven but said “a better place” and those who did not believe the soul existed. There was no narrative that I could turn to for comfort while I let myself mourn and heal. 

Naturally it would be a hard thing to accomplish with Pagans in general (go ahead, get a Druid, a Wiccan and a Heathan to agree where we will end up when we pass on…). With so many different paths and traditions and deities finding a common narrative for times like mourning will be a very challenging task. Add to the fact that getting a pagan group organized well in advance is somewhat challenging, let alone a spur of the moment sudden gathering and you are just making the task more difficult (insert cat herding jokes here). To organize something like this would take the patience of a Saint combined with a will of Iron, and yet it would be so valuable. While some of us have been blessed to find Covens, Circles, Hearth’s, Kindred, Groves and any other form of Pagan Group that cares about them and supports them, many have not.  Think about how wonderful it would be to have a group of Pagans, who may not share your actual belief system but have some similarities, stop in to check on you. A group to let you talk, pray with you, light candles with you and support you as your world crashed to a halt (even as the rest of the world marches forward). Wouldn’t that be wonderful?

Finally… I love little old Church Ladies! Granted I have never had a bad experience with any of them, so if you have I am sorry to hear that. I love the feeling of all of these Grandmotherly types coming together to care for the community. They were warm, friendly and attentive, and yet I'm not sure anyone really took notice of them. There was no standing ovation for their hard work, nobody stepped into the kitchen and said "Thanks ladies, take a break". These women who all looked like they were in their late 70's and quite honestly their energy put me to shame. They ran from table to table, carrying food out to people, laying a quiet hand on the shoulders of the people who were standing alone in the corners. They made sure everyone who was there was well taken care of, using a combination of grace and humor to ensure we were all well fed. They did not preach, they did not chastise, they just were there, serving those whose hearts were breaking. We need more people like that in this world.